kalilang | MAGUINDANAO PRIDE

NOTE: NEEDS EDITING – will do this some other time. For the meantime, please bear with the typos and grammatical errors. hahaha

A Maguindanaon wedding is an affair of the extended family. Since it is also a religious activity, one cannot limit the number of people who will attend the wedding. Wedding should be festive and everybody should be invited.

There are a lot of differences between the Maguindanaon cultural/traditional wedding and the Islamic wedding rites. There’s a clash between the cultural and the religious rites because some of the cultural practices are against Islamic teachings.

Disagreements arise if one side want the traditional wedding and the other side follows the Islamic rites. However, most Maguindanaons adopt both rites and fuse the two in the wedding ceremony (the cultural and Islamic).

This article is about the traditional/cultural Maguindanaon wedding rites. I will not discuss the Islamic rites because it can be easily found/researched in the internet.

Stages vary depending on the traditions practiced by each group of Maguindanaons. Below are practices of Maguindanaons in Datu Piang.

STAGE 1: KAPAPEMBETU

In this stage, the groom’s kins (kamaman) will assign a spokesperson and this spokesperson will inform the relatives or parents of the bride (kababayan) of the man’s intention to marry the girl. (in a way, this is an informal way of informing the girl’s side; also one way of knowing if they are welcome and allowed to proceed to next stage).

STAGE 2. KABPANGENGEDUNG

In local dialect, the term means “whispering.” The kamaman will formally approach the parents or relatives of the girl and inform them of the man’s intention to marry the girl and they will also inform the other side they are willing to comply with whatever requirements or requests that the kababayan will ask them. This time, there is also an assigned spokesperson from the side of the kababayan.

In this stage, the spokespersons of the two will be the one who will constantly communicate. The parents do not directly communicate with the other party.

STAGE 3. KAPANALANGGUNI

Once it is settled and the parents of the girl responded to the kabpangengedung of the kamaman, then a salangguni is set. The elders will determine the total amount of brideprice (dowry) and the items in the “panton” (requests).

Items usually discussed during the salangguni:

a. Wedding date

b. Tasks of both sides – In parentally-arranged marriage, both sides make the preliminary arrangements and preparations. If it’s not parentally-arranged, the kamaman are responsible in doing any chores involved in the wedding.

c. Settlement of the brideprice (dowry) – The following are the classification of dowry:

1. Kawa – this is the main dowry that must be paid in cash or in kind to be given to the side of the kababayan. It is divided among the kins of the bride (only those mainly involved in the wedding, usually the aunts, uncles, etc.). The amount of money may range depending on the social status of the parties entering the contract. It is non-refundable whether the wedding is canceled or not.

2. Mahr or Sunggudan – this is the brideprice. The amount depends on the social status of the bride: Datu/Bai (upper class), Dumatu (middle class), Endatuan (commoners). It must be in cash, or in the form of property (usually land) or combination of both.

d. Other things:

3. Siwaka – this consists of cosmetics or garments delivered to the bride after the approval of the proposal/salangguni.

4. Pangastulian – this is in the form of jewelry or gifts to gain immediate approval. (This is usually skipped.)

5. Bungkal sa Bilik – an extra dowry to be given during the salangguni.

6. Panton – Usually requested by kababayan of noble birth.

7. Langkad – is a sort of “fine” for passing over the bride’s older sister.

8. Samaya (promise) – a Maguindanaon practice that in the early infancy of the girl, the parents or some of the relatives may make a promise that if the girl gets married, they will demand some specific objects or rituals to be done (example, there must be mini-concert before the wedding night, etc).

9. Damak – this may form part of the panton; a tray of food to be delivered to the bride through a procession (rice cakes or native cookies).

10. Tangelen – personal effects to be given to the groom and bride during the wedding. Example HERE

11. Living room showcase – composed of beddings, dresser or other furniture depending on the requests and capacity of the groom.

When everything is settled, the would-be bride is placed under “Limbun.” Read more about Limbunan HERE

STAGE 4. KAPEGKAWING OR THE WEDDING PROPER

PRE-WEDDING CONCERT/PARTY – A small concert is organized by the kamaman called kapen-dayunday where local singers perform to entertain relatives who come one or two days before the wedding day.

See dayunday HERE

a. Procession of the damak. Then two girls are carried in a shoulder ride. The two girls should have complete parents (both alive, not separated).

b. The groom is taken first from his house or room. During procession, a group of dancers with effigy of a carabao will lead the procession.

c. Next in the procession are the “abay” (young men and/ women). Note: The abay (grooms men or grooms women) must be: with complete parents (mother and father, not deceased or separated; single and never been married. The male abay will carry the Maguindanaon umbrella called “sinilatan,” while the female abay will fan the groom.

d. The whole procession is called kuyug. In other practices, the groom will first get her bride in their house. Then they will side by side walk down the aisle during the kuyug. And while the “kulu” is done, the bride will sit on chair on the stage.

e. The groom is then made to sit near the center of the wedding place. The first step in solemnizing the ceremony is to have the groom perform an ablution. (This part may also be done before the kuyug). Using one of his feet, the groom steps on a pillow while the ustadz or imam will ask the groom and the father or male guardian of the bride will hold each others right hands. This is called “kulo” or “kapeg-kulu.” The ustadz or imam will ask the father/guardian of the bride if he accepts the groom as his daughter’s husband, then the groom will be asked if he accepts the daughter as his wife.

In other practices, after the “kulu,” the groom is asked if he accepts the bride as his wife, then the bride is asked if she accepts the groom as his husband. Then, the ustadz will hold the grooms hand which is covered with white handkerchief and will lightly rub the thumb of the groom to the forehead of the bride, going to the nose down to the chest. Then, they are pronounced as husband and wife.

f. There are also assigned witnesses to the wedding that will light their candles. At least four well-chosen ustadzes will solemnize the marriage ceremony.

Photo from Cusain and Utala Kalilang.

g. The groom will now get his bride from her house or from her room. First in the procession are the ped-sagayan or the sagayan dancers, followed by the groom with his grooms men and women (abay). They will return to the stage, with the bride

Another practice is that the groom will wait in the stage and the bride will ride the ginakit/guinakit. Only bride with royal blood can ride the ginakit carried by men. I will look for a nice picture and change this one later.

h. The bride and the groom will stand side by side on the stage, bride on the right and groom on the left side. Then, the bride will be seated while the groom will stand. The ustadz will hold the grooms hand which is covered with white handkerchief and will lightly rub the thumb of the groom to the forehead of the bride, going to the nose down to the chest. Then, they are pronounced as husband and wife.

i. They will listen to the sermon of the imam about marriage. The imam will read few verses from the Quran. This is called Khutbatun Nikah (This is an Arabic term meaning marriage sermon).

j. They coin bearer will give the money to the officiating ustadz, he will give it to the groom and the groom will give it to the bride, then the bride will give it back to the groom. This symbolizes that the man should give his earnings to his wife to support the family and the wife should handle their finances well. The ustadz can give additional sermon or advices to the couple if he likes or other ustadzes can do so.

k. The couple are then led to a well-covered tray with food. (The covering is called tudung; and the tray is called bandihaw). The tray of food is consist of cooked rice, and one full of chicken. This food is offered to the groom in which he is made to choose the part of the chicken he likes. This part is called “Kapedsungita.”

The imam or some elders will take note of the part of the chicken he choose. According to Maguindanaon folk belief, the grooms choice determines the way that life he and his wife will lead to in their married life (Guiam, G. 1984).

Kapedsungita, Me and my hubby (hehehehe)

KAPENDALAPITA

Before sunset, after the ceremony, another ritual must be done wherein the bride will go the house of the groom and the groom will go to the house of the bride.

1. The bride will first change her attire (usually long sleeve silk and inaul, this set is called “pedsalinan”). The groom will also change his clothes.

2. They will go to the house of the groom first. Food is served for the newly-wed couple and their relatives. All people participating in the pendalapita should not stop at any place or go somewhere else, they must go directly to the house of the groom. The parents or kins of the groom will give the couple a jar with thread, money (60 or 600 pesos), a cotton and other lucky charms.

3. Then they will go to the house of the bride. The groom should bring her things with them.

4. At the house of the bride, the “igan” or bed is set and the “ulul” with “kulambo” or mosquito net is also set. The kulambo will be set up by a female representative from the kababayan and a male representative from the kamaman. The two representatives must not be born out of wed-lock and their parents must be both living together. (meaning, from a family with “no issues,” duh?!)

5. The couple will enter the kulambo and will sit on the bed, the female kababayan and the male kamaman will assist the couple in lying down (in fast manner) and in going up (also in fast manner).

6. Then they will be served with a bandihaw with rice, oil and sugar on it, placed in a saucer called “ladia.”
(They must be both wearing inaul). Their left point finger will be joined side by side and somebody will assist them to touch the sugar, the oil and the rice (in order). Then, all the rice that will stick to their finger will be placed in a cotton and covered with white handkerchief. The meaning of the sugar is their wealth together, and the meaning of the rice is their individual income or earnings (This will determine who will earn more, the husband or the wife?)

After that, in other practices, there is called KAPEDSUGAY at night, where they will be placed inside the mosquito net and their relatives will watch them (like the traditional chinese tradition). They groom will tease the bride and will try to kiss her. The bride will try to escape. The groom must not let her go outside the mosquito net (It’s like a patintero, lol).

If he gets her, end of the show, they will sleep. They will also light a candle. The first candle to die, meaning he/she will be the one to die first.

POST-WEDDING

After that, the couple will stay at the bride’s house for three days. They are prohibited to go outside their backyard or go somewhere else. They are not allowed to buy anything.

After the three days, they should visit their relatives. They will go house to house. But before that, the parents of the bride or somebody will go to the river and scratch a gold jewelry, then will cut a portion (or the whole) of the gold jewelry to be drowned in the river as offering to the alligators. (Huh?!)

(This is SHIRK. Shirk (Arabic: شرك‎ širk) is the sin of idolatry or polytheism, i.e. the deification or worship of anyone or anything other than the singular God, or more literally the establishment of “partners” placed beside God. It is the vice that is opposed to the virtue of tawhid (monotheism).

The first thing that the couple should do is to buy anything that is metal or made of brass. First, they should buy a needle, then anything brass or metal like agong, kulintang or gandingan. If they choose musical instruments made of brass, they should choose the one with the longest tone when stroked.

When they visit the house of their relatives, it is a requirement that the relatives will give money Php 10.00 up. Ten pesos in Maguindanaon is Sapulu; any number or amount that has “pulu” in it may be given so that the couple will have high standing in the community or will have good life. The relatives can also give gifts, or other lucky charms for the couple.

NOTE: MANY OF THESE PRACTICES ARE NOT ANYMORE DONE TODAY BECAUSE SOME ARE CONSIDERED SHIRK OR BID’AH AND AGAINST THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM.

Religious innovation means inventing a new way of worshiping God that was not originally included in the message that Islamic tradition claims was revealed to Muhammad.